New Company Policies!
Posted by: Roy in Business, Francis Kong, HOPE, leadership, management, tags: Francis Kong, funny, john maxwell, leadership, management, memos, new, policies, repost, seminarReposted from Business Matters (Beyond The Bottom Line)
by Francis J. Kong
from the Business Section of Philippine Star
because sometimes the archive of Philippine Star doesn’t do its job and good article like this goes to kingdom come and forgotten… so to keep it alive I’m posting it here…
…and yes! I’m a fan of the guy 
New company policies
BUSINESS MATTERS (BEYOND THE BOTTOM LINE) By Francis J. Kong
Sunday, May 25, 2008
My good friends Neilz and Amijay sent me this material entitled: “New Company Policies” and it brought a smile on my face. I would like to share this with you.
MEMORANDUM:
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: THE MANAGEMENT
SUBJECT: NEW COMPANY POLICIES
A. Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
B. Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
C. Personal Days
Each employee will receive 52 personal days a year. They are called Sundays.
D. Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
E. Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders”. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.
F. Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get five minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. For your immediate compliance.
Why do you get the feeling that good people in organizations like these that are subjected to ridiculous rules like these will leave and search for greener pastures?
The answer is very simple. BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE DO NOT LEAVE ORGANIZATIONS. THEY LEAVE THEIR LOUSY BOSSES!!!
In our leadership seminars and workshops, what we discovered about working people is that most of them are searching for the same three things:
1. Interesting Work
2. A sense of belonging
3. Recognition from superiors.
Of course other things come up like job security, fun environment or the money factor but essentially, working people want to be associated with a work environment that offers them inspiration not only from the work itself but mainly from people.
Some people think that all the problems in an organization can be solved by writing memos. Not necessarily so. The key is leaders taking care of its people. Leaders caring for their people. Leaders growing their people.
As Dr. John Maxwell would say: “People do not care how much you know until they know they know how much you care.
Is business personal?
Let me respond with a loud “OF COURSE IT IS PERSONAL!”
How could it not be?
(Learn more leadership lesson by attending Dr. John Maxwell’s Leadership Summit Live this coming June 10, 2008 at the EDSA Shangri-La Hotel. For further inquiries contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. 632-8129125)
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